john newton -

"Assurance grows by repeated conflict, by our repeated experimental proof of the Lord’s power and goodness to save; when we have been brought very low and helped, sorely wounded and healed, cast down and raised again, have given up all hope, and been suddenly snatched from danger, and placed in safety; and when these things have been repeated to us and in us a thousand times over, we begin to learn to trust simply to the word and power of God, beyond and against appearances: and this trust, when habitual and strong, bears the name of assurance; for even assurance has degrees."

on when your labors seem fruitless

There are days, sometimes weeks, when I feel my efforts and labors are futile, fruitless, wasted. (I'm not saying that I am doing so much and want to be noticed for everything; I know I could always do more.)

But I have to remind and remind myself: God sees all. Even the things that I don't see -- perhaps, especially the things that I don't see. He sees it all, and that's all that matters. When others don't see, and when others do see but ignore or look down on your efforts, as long as your heart is pure, God sees your deeds and is glad. When my heart and desires that are grounded upon glorifying and loving God progressively manifest into a heart and deeds/labors of loving His people, there will be fruit, because ultimately it is He who nurtures and waters and grows. He is the breather of life. I am only an instrument, a channel. I will be disheartened by what I do not see* when my heart is focused only on what can be seen.
(*I am not using "what I do not see" as an equivalent to "the unseen" here.)

Many verses to choose from, but here are a few:

We remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ. (1 Thessalonians 1:3)

For we live by faith, not by sight. (2 Corinthians 5:7)

I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. (Psalm 27:13, 14)

E, rest assured, God sees.

leading .

Serving as a leader has been such a great joy in my life, both physical and spiritual.
But it does come with its moments of struggle as well.

More and more I realize that serving as a leader at church is indeed just that -- serving. In the world, a leader tends to describe someone who has power and personality, someone who can persuade and bring everyone together. And I'm not saying that's bad... those are all great things. God is actually the one who places and uses these leaders, even those of governing bodies.

But in the church, a leader is someone who follows Christ, and leads others to Him. Not to my own interests, not to my own ideals, but to those of Christ... and leading and guiding others towards Christ.

hope .

so i say, “my splendor is gone & all that i had hoped from the Lord.” i remember my affliction & my wandering, the bitterness & the gall. i well remember them, & my soul is downcast within me. (niv)

** yet i still dare to hope when i remember this : the faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning. i say to myself, “the Lord is my inheritance; therefore, i will hope in Him!” ** (nlt)

lamentations 3 : 18-24 .

Jesus .

not in the name of hope.
not in the name of faith. or love.
not in the name of christianity.

in the name of Jesus
and only by the name of
Jesus.

on hearts and methods .

by your own methods, you will not change hearts .
by your own tactics, you will not change minds .

true transformation - of the mind and heart - comes from the Father .
the direction of the soul is determined either by the self or the Lord, & by no one else .


souls, hurt
hearts, tattered
why must we continue to wear and tear
let us point each other to Jesus
who alone plants and nurtures passion for Him
that produces fruit
may the Spirit lead us, water us
He alone is the engine to the vision
given us by the Father Almighty
who is the Head over all, amen
. . .
lest we become machines
imbruted by law and legalism
lest we become wayward
riding the waves of unguided passion
. . .
force! the human cries
and force takes its toll, indeed
it does all it can to indoctrinate the heart
but like puzzle pieces to the wrong puzzle
it does not fit
it incessantly compresses, chokes, and suffocates
bruising and embittering the heart
which opens its doors only to that
which it willingly offers itself
the doors to the heart can not be broken down
by force, by humans
they must be unlocked
the key must be given by the one who holds it
there in the heart lies
unmoved loyalty and its deepest desires
the one who has the key
truly holds these things
. . .

may the Lord help us all .


*but this is not to dismiss discipline+obedience .

matthew18:20

"for where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them."