(i tried but failed not to sob)
the tension and doubt that automatically arise when a voice sounds a certain way
or when an environment feels too familiar to the one where it all started
the subconscious diagnoses of what's wrong at this church and that
the memories of burnout and tiredness that undercut the desire to serve
the anxiety and fear of commitment to community that might reject or not last
the thick fortress i've already built to protect myself from any possibility of hurt and betrayal
.
.
.
it all feels so impossible to overcome....
