2020 :

therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: the old has gone, the new is here! —2 corinthians 5.17
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i have been crucified with Christ and i no longer live, but Christ lives in me. the life i now live in the body, i live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. —galatians 2.20
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since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. for you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God... —colossians 3.1-3

a prayer .

(a scary? prayer.)

May all who see my life be able to say, "There must be a God; only God could have done this. It could only be God."

gold .

All that glisters is not gold—
Often have you heard that told.
Many a man his life hath sold
But my outside to behold:
Gilded tombs do worms enfold...

— William Shakespeare

*

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king. 

— JRR Tolkien

2019 :

Your way was through the sea,
     Your path through the great waters;
     yet Your footprints were unseen.

 - psalm 77.19                                                    

+

do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation,
by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving,
present your requests to God.
and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding,
will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 

- philippians 4.6-7                                              

+ perseverance cont'd.

perseverance: 2018 .

The year is closing. I can only sigh in relief but my breath is cut short thinking of all the difficulties that 2019 may bring. But I must remember - as hard as it was, with all of its regrets, 2018 still had much laughter and joy, its share of love and loved ones. Those are the moments I must hold on to. Those are the memories I want to continue to make and hope for.

And I must never forget - that God must be in everything I do. He is in everything I do.

"Blessing."

That word just holds so many - what're the words? - mixed feelings for me. It's been so tainted by the fleshly desires of humankind, connoting wealth and material prosperity. On the one hand, it can definitely mean that, as seen with Job and Solomon. They can be utilized to bless others and glorify God. On the other hand, it can mean, well, other things.

Like suffering.

There's something about suffering that seems to carve dimensions into your heart and soul. As you go deeper into it, it digs deeper into you. Under its weight you develop strength. You realize things that you never would have if life remained sweet and dandy. Suffering leaves pain and scars in its wake, but doesn't realize it has also awaken inside of you things like empathy and compassion. It can mean financial struggle, pain, or grief, but more dependence upon the One who is the true blessing of all. Suffering may press you on all sides (2 Cor. 4:8), but your patience and perseverance will be fortified as you hope and trust upon the Source of all strength.

"Blessings" are not blessings if my utmost blessing/desire isn't God. His definition of "good" can be so vastly different from my own. Whatever tunes my heart to His more, whatever makes me lean on Him more - those are true definitions of blessing, even if it means suffering. But like with "blessings", you must make a choice with suffering. Will you persevere? Will you still glorify Him? Will you give in to it, or utilize it for God?

Take heart. Don't forget. You might not have it all together, and may have to persevere a bit longer. Your life may look different from other lives making milestones and ticking all the marks on the to-do timeline. This lifetime, even, may not look "successful" or "blessed" in the ideal way many want it to. But it is all for naught if not for God. He must be my utmost desire - the Blesser, the blessing.

2018 may have had its share of laughter and pain, joys and regrets, but whether it was a blessing or not hinges on if it led you to God more.

truth .

Lies - in the light of truth - will ultimately bow down in shame, caught in their own web of pride and deceit, and surrender, falling short of the wholeness and perfection of truth.

the moon .

Last night was a tough one to sleep in. My body was (and is still) sore (from broomballing) and my head was wrought with worry and fear, full of loud thoughts countering my efforts (if you can call it that) to go to sleep. My eyes were closed but heavy with tension. "Not helping." It was probably about 3 when I decided to open my eyes. But instead of thick darkness, I was pleasantly surprised to see the room dimly lit by the moon. It was positioned in the sky so that its light shone through the edges of the curtain onto my face. It was calming... comfortable... My once-relentless thoughts cooled down as my focus was diverted to the waning moon, its light bright enough to guide a lost wanderer (thankfully, for me, in a forest of thoughts and worry), but dim enough to look directly at.

The purpose of the moon. Why is it there, this gray lump of mass, just circling its orbit around the earth? It serves several functions in the earth's tides and seasons and telling of time, but I feel that its main purpose is its light.

I wish I could always sleep beneath the light of the moon.
It wouldn't phase me. (bahhahahahaa)

Humility is the moon. The moon knows that it has no light of its own so it doesn't float around in space saying, "Look at me shine! Look at me shine!" No, it simply reflects the light of the sun to the earth. That's a picture of a good worship leader. Yes, people will look at you, but you are just a reflection of a greater Light. And this Light is life to all who seek it.
-Chris Tomlin