perseverance: 2018 .

The year is closing. I can only sigh in relief but my breath is cut short thinking of all the difficulties that 2019 may bring. But I must remember - as hard as it was, with all of its regrets, 2018 still had much laughter and joy, its share of love and loved ones. Those are the moments I must hold on to. Those are the memories I want to continue to make and hope for.

And I must never forget - that God must be in everything I do. He is in everything I do.

"Blessing."

That word just holds so many - what're the words? - mixed feelings for me. It's been so tainted by the fleshly desires of humankind, connoting wealth and material prosperity. On the one hand, it can definitely mean that, as seen with Job and Solomon. They can be utilized to bless others and glorify God. On the other hand, it can mean, well, other things.

Like suffering.

There's something about suffering that seems to carve dimensions into your heart and soul. As you go deeper into it, it digs deeper into you. Under its weight you develop strength. You realize things that you never would have if life remained sweet and dandy. Suffering leaves pain and scars in its wake, but doesn't realize it has also awaken inside of you things like empathy and compassion. It can mean financial struggle, pain, or grief, but more dependence upon the One who is the true blessing of all. Suffering may press you on all sides (2 Cor. 4:8), but your patience and perseverance will be fortified as you hope and trust upon the Source of all strength.

"Blessings" are not blessings if my utmost blessing/desire isn't God. His definition of "good" can be so vastly different from my own. Whatever tunes my heart to His more, whatever makes me lean on Him more - those are true definitions of blessing, even if it means suffering. But like with "blessings", you must make a choice with suffering. Will you persevere? Will you still glorify Him? Will you give in to it, or utilize it for God?

Take heart. Don't forget. You might not have it all together, and may have to persevere a bit longer. Your life may look different from other lives making milestones and ticking all the marks on the to-do timeline. This lifetime, even, may not look "successful" or "blessed" in the ideal way many want it to. But it is all for naught if not for God. He must be my utmost desire - the Blesser, the blessing.

2018 may have had its share of laughter and pain, joys and regrets, but whether it was a blessing or not hinges on if it led you to God more.